I may be scalped at next reading

Kandice Smith Staff Writer

So a SWAT team didn't have to come rescue me from my mom's house last weekend, but don't think for a second everything was calm and peaceful. How could it be while I was being held captive in the house by three sisters?

Oh, the weekend began all nice and civil at first, but as with most people who are putting on a show, the act didn't last long. Before I knew it, I was being sent to fetch this and fetch that. Before long, my T-Pora had her hand in my head telling what she thought of my hair.

Now this might not seem like a big thing to you, but this is something she does all the time. I've had to develop the strategy of wearing my hair in curls when I'm around her so she can't go through my hair.

As is customary with sisters, my Aunt Ann joined in the conversation on what I should be doing with my hair instead.

I'm always afraid when these conversations take place with T-Pora somewhere in the mix. The last time she had an idea about how I should have my hair I ended up being awakend by my mom two days later telling me I had an appointment at the beauty shop and to take my T-Pora with me. Somehow, although I protested, my shoulder- length hair was chopped off. I didn't even have enough left to put in a ponytail.

In case any of you are wondering, yes, I'll have a new hairstyle courtesy of T-Pora on Monday.

As if hearing critiques about my hair wasn't enough, the next day they began on my eating habits. You should eat this and you need to do that. Usually during this conversation, I just look at them and let them talk. After 27 years, you would think they would know by now that I'm just going to say, “Yes, ma'am,” and go on about my business.

I thought Aunt Ann going back two days after T-Pora arrived was going to curb some of the abuse I sustained, but I was wrong. I forgot to add T-Pora's personality to the equation.

Since she's arrived, I've had to fend off her slap boxing attempts, yelling at me because she can't make up her mind (she was playfully yelling.) and accusing me of saying things I didn't say just because she can't remember things well.

I don't think Aunt Ann was quite prepared for T-Pora and I in the same space without any distractions. Unlike my mom, who had to live through the first visit, she didn't know there would be yelling matches over whether or not she told me to get ready to go to the store now or said I could do something else first. She also wasn't ready for the slap boxing matches (of course I had to defend myself.).

Although Aunt Ann threw a pillow at me while I was laying on the floor while I had a migraine, that was nothing compared to what T-Pora is doing.

The bright side to all of this, at least T-Pora can cook and we are supposed to go shopping tomorrow.

Kandice Smith is a writer for the Franklin County Citizen and The News Leader.